Sunday, November 22, 2009

Pearls of Wisdom: Public informational #3.14

(photo courteously stolen from The Bui)

Occasionally the family likes to stuff their faces (by occasionally, I mean every an any occasion). And while I ponder the irony of why they insist on always arguing over who in the family is fatter than whom when we are standing in a buffet line--I don't say anything because I am not willing to be guilty of the same crimes. I also don't say anything because, as a rule of thumb, I tend to avoid conversation with them (avoiding eye contact and appearing to be deep in thought helps facilitate my minimalistic views on intra-familiar interactions). I am, however and probably always will be, a sucker for a free meal no matter how shoddy the line-up may be.

Although the local Hometown Buffet may have some pretty good corn bread, everything is usually over cooked and their breakfast taste like cardboard. With that said, I was quick to ready myself after receiving the invite to my late breakfast.

The man who sat directly behind me at Hometown Buffet had quite the comb-over. I wanted very much to let him know that his attempts of hair compensation only drew attention to his baldness. In fact--I don't even remember what he looks like! I was far too enthralled with few strands of protein that cascaded atop his scalp to pay attentions to the specifics of his visage...
I was reminded of this Mitch Hedberg joke:

"When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores."

Once my fixation from his lock-less monstrosity (is that a wordplay or a pun?), I noticed that he was eating alone. Which is kind of... sad. And before I am called out on my hypocrisy because I know I have openly admitted to dining by myself, I never do it in a buffet.

Granted, the buffet is just the place to do it. If you think about it, it is the least social of all dining scenarios. You seat yourself, you serve yourself, you leave your crap on the table--other people just slow and complicate the process. It's not like at a sit-down restaurant where its nice to have someone there to tune out when you are waiting for your food (this is how the majority of my dates go).

But there was just something about the man sitting behind me with his comb-over and collection five-plus emptied plates that struck me on a gut level. Although it may have been the crazy mixture of foods in my stomach from my creative combination or maybe I just saw my future and was filled with lonely brunches at buffets...

It wasn't the WORST (or I could also make the argument of BEST) comb-over I have ever seen. No, not by a long shot. Because that title belongs to this guy:
This was taken with my old phone, which means I had to get real up-close and personal to snap this gem of a do. I was sneaky like a ninja (paparazzi + ninja = endless douchy possibilities!)

When engaged in what is commonly accepted as a social activity all by your lonesome, it is important to realize how pathetic you may appear to other people. If you don't care how you appear, then kudos!, you have quite the self esteem and self confidence that the majority of us have had verbally beaten out of by our parental(s) and or by various other means. BUT if your insecurities do get the best of you in this situation, remember to look toward your better qualities and try to supersede the defect you call your person. Chances are people will still think low of you, but it will be lowered proportion to how you appear as a whole. So remember, when you try to hide something, you could actually be drawing more attention to it.

So when opting for the comb-over remember to NOT instead. And when eating at a buffet alone, leave a half-eaten plate in one of the empty chairs, that way it looks like someone is there with you.

1 comment:

  1. LOL

    That picture is ridiculous, the camera phone quality makes it look like it was painted on some graffiti app